


Let me care for you

by Morathi_Cain



Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [33]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bohn being insecure, Bohn feels guilty once more, Bohn gets hurt, First cares for him, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, but first of all his boyfriend and lots of blankets, description of blood and bruises, he deserves the world, nothing bad though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: Tumblr prompt: Bohn gets hurt/is sick, but doesn't tell First because he feels guilty. First knows something is up and cares for Bohn.
Relationships: First Kankun/Bon Sirikarnkul
Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708738
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45
Collections: FirstBohn - when a ghostship takes your soul





	Let me care for you

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the request!  
> And now, have fun ;)

Let me care for you

He was an idiot.

That was no news, to be honest, but right now he felt it more than before.

He was an idiot.  
Because only an idiot would go out and get himself roped into a fight despite promising himself never to do something like that again.

But here he was, back home, staring into the mirror in front of him, blood drying on his forehead and chin, smeared across his face and bruises forming and blooming on his cheek, his throat and chest.

It was nothing unfamiliar, nothing he wasn’t used to.  
The pain wasn’t even big enough to smother the guilt which rose inside of him like bile. The disgust he felt for himself.

No more fights, he had sworn himself and he had meant it.

But he had gone and broken his own promise, no matter how much he had tried to avoid this fight. Because he had tried. But in the end, it didn’t matter because a fight had still happened.

Wincing, he brushed the dirt and dried blood off his face, enduring it. He deserved it, after all.  
In the end, those marks would stay for a few days, the pain in his leg maybe for a week and then everything would be back to normal. No reminder for him to run away as soon something happened. No sign for him to just stop being himself. The one who provoked people with his face and behaviour and his ... everything.

With a sigh, he pulled the emergency kit from under his sink to take care of his wounds. With a start, he realised he had no disinfectant left, the bottle empty after only one push.

What?

Confused, he stared at the bottle in his bloody hands, unsure of what he was supposed to do now. It had never happened before that he would run out of anything in this kit. This was the most important thing in his home and he had always taken care to keep it full and ready.

Well, he had, apparently. Because now it was empty and once he looked closer, he realised he had only two bandages left and one of the balms was too old to use now.

When had he looked at it the last time? And why hadn’t he replaced anything?

Memories of First who had cut himself by accident reappeared in his mind and he let out a huff. No wonder he hadn’t thought about refilling the kit. He had been too panicked about First being hurt and had used everything to bandage his boyfriend. Maybe a bit too eagerly even, making First chuckle. But, there hadn’t been a thought about a next time.

Which, again, was dumb. First could get hurt again, couldn’t he? Just because Bohn hadn’t been in a fight since forever, he shouldn’t have stopped refilling his kit.

Frustrated, he pushed the whole thing aside and cleaned himself up as much as possible. He’d have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow and until then he would survive. No matter the pain.

When he came back into the bedroom, his skin burning from the bruises and hot water, his phone was blinking and frustration turned into guilt again.

Of course, it was First. They had originally wanted to meet since Bohn had only planned to go for a short drink with his friends before crashing at First’s place as early as possible.

‘You ok?’

His grip on the phone was tense, his mind whirling. He couldn’t go to First like this. He couldn’t make him worry and he wouldn’t survive if First judged him the way he judged himself. The way Duen had judged him.

No, he told himself. First wasn’t Duen. He wouldn’t blame him, but he would care. And it would be too much because it was Bohn’s fault and he didn’t deserve this. The time and attention. The care.

Logically, he knew he couldn’t hide from First for a whole week until all the bruises would have disappeared, but right now, he couldn’t cope with it, couldn’t imagine meeting him and explain all of this. Right now, the thought of First caring, was too much.

‘Sorry, it got longer than anticipated. I’ll crash at Tee’s place.”

The reply came instantly. As if First had watched his phone the whole time, wondering.

‘Take care and have a good night’

The guilt rising even more than before, Bohn gritted his teeth as he typed a ‘good night’ and threw the phone to the ground.

He hated this.  
Lying to First and feeling so ashamed for everything. His lies, his wounds, his fears, just him.

Curled into a tight ball, the bedsheet in his fists, Bohn stared into the darkness until he fell asleep, the choking feeling in his throat never going away.

~~~

“Do you need anything? I can bring something over.”

Bohn inspected the bruise on his cheek and decided it looked like a pinecone.

“No, it’s okay, thank you”, he replied as calmly as possible, “It’s just a cold, I have everything I need and I don’t want to infect you as well.”

“Hm ... take care of yourself, okay?”

“Of course.”

The bitterness rose again as if it had never been away.

“But just so you know”, First started once more, as if he wasn’t reassured yet, “I can bring something over and keep my distance if necessary. You don’t have to endure this alone.”

“But I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“Keep my distance.”

And because Bohn realised what he had just admitted, he kept on rambling, as if he could push those words out of First’s memory.

“Just don’t worry, it’s okay, really, I am glad as long as you’re safe. And you probably have better things to do anyway, so all is well, no need to come over and worry too much ...”

“What?”

Bohn clamped his mouth shut as he locked eyes with himself through the mirror. What an enormous idiot he was.

“Nothing”, he pressed out, because now he was so deep in, what was another lie? Another mistake? How long would he be able to prolong this before First broke up with him?

For a few seconds, he could only hear First breathe and wondered if that was it. If his panic had brought them to the end now if he had finally fucked up.

“I am coming over”, First sounded calm and firm, no doubts left, “We will talk about this properly, so don’t run away.”

When the sound of the call disconnecting vibrated through him, a weird kind of hope raced through him. There had been no anger, no disgust. This hadn’t been the end. Yet.

Because soon, First would see through every lie, would know how empty Bohn’s words had been and then the anger would appear.

With shaking fingers, he cleaned himself as much as possible, the unmistaken lack of medicine like a desperate itch. If only he had some makeup at home. Just something to cover up his mistakes for once. But no, he would have to meet First like this and maybe it was for the better.

~~~

First was vibrating throughout the whole way to Bohn’s apartment. Fears were racing through his mind and one was worse than the other. What had happened? What was Bohn thinking?  
Was he sicker than he had let on? Was he overthinking once more?  
Why didn’t he want First to come and care for him? Was he too much?

No, First knew for a fact that Bohn enjoyed when he cared for him. It was a need he had suppressed till now and First loved being there for him. To know his words and presence were welcome. So, for Bohn to turn him away, seemed more than worrying.

When it was Bohn opening the door himself, First felt a small wave of relief wash over him. He was there and he was standing and he was letting First in.

But still, something was so very wrong with Bohn and the way he held himself, his shoulders almost at his ears, seeming smaller than he actually was, his eyes wide and full of emotions.

“Bohn ...”

“First ...”

He was right in front of his boyfriend the very next second, despite his own promise to keep his distance if that was what Bohn wanted. And he would have done so, if it wasn’t so clear this wasn’t a cold.

Dark bruises and cuts were covering Bohn’s face and First didn’t even want to imagine, what the rest of his body looked like.

His hands hovering right over the wounds, he stopped himself.

“This must hurt.”

Bohn gulped, averting his gaze.

“It’s okay.”

Careful, not to touch any of the bruises, First brushed away a strand of hair.

“It doesn’t look okay.”

“I am used to it.”

This time, Bohn couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice and First kept his hand where it was, a feather-like touch, as he hoped.

First had known about Bohn’s past, of course. And he had been glad his boyfriend didn’t get into fights anymore, but he still had no idea why Bohn was reacting that way.

“Did you take care of it?”

There was some hesitation and First knew the next response wouldn’t be the whole truth for some reason.

“Yes.”

“You know, my mother has a really good balm for bruises like that. Frong used to come home covered like this almost daily before our father died.”

From the look of it, Bohn wasn’t exactly happy about the comparison, but First didn’t care.

“I will get it for you later. Or maybe Frong can bring it. He’s got nothing to do anyway.”

“You don’t need ...”

“Oh”, First stepped even closer, effectively shutting Bohn up, “I definitely need to do this. And I even want to do this. Now let’s sit down and let me look at those bruises. All of them, because otherwise, I’ll go crazy.”

This time, Bohn didn’t even try to stop First, but followed him silently, his hand clammy in First’s. Because he had probably been going crazy the whole time. Because he was probably still nervous and afraid.

“Sorry”, he murmured as First was looking at his different wounds carefully, making sure he didn’t touch any sensitive bits of skin.

“What for?”, First asked back, equally as quiet.

“For not telling you the truth”, First nodded but kept his eyes on the wounds, “And for getting into a fight and making you worry.”

With a sigh, First gently pressed his knuckle against a bit of skin without a bruise on it.

“Why do you apologise for the last two? Would you rather have it if I don’t care?”

The thought seemed to take Bohn back: “I ... no, I mean ... I don’t want to worry you so much. You have other things to do and I don’t want to disturb you. Especially not for something like this.”

“So, you tell me I should simply ignore it the next time you’re hurt like this? Tell you I have something else to work at?”

The pain in Bohn’s whole body at the image was so strong, First took his hands into his own, holding them tight despite his grazed knuckles.

“No, of course not. I ... am just sorry I even caused it.”

Ignoring the wincing, First pressed their foreheads together as gentle as possible, his fingers drawing small, calming circles over Bohn’s neck.

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“No, of course not ...”

“Well”, First pulled back with a smile, “Then what do you apologise for? You didn’t want this to happen and I believe you. I know you feel bad for getting hurt, but it happens, doesn’t it? I hope it won’t happen again because I don’t like to see you hurt, but I will always care for your wounds and you. And it’s not too much for me. I’d probably go crazy learning about your wounds afterwards. So, no matter the guilt you feel, whenever anything like this is happening again, please tell me, okay?”

“But you have work”, was what sounded like Bohn’s last straw.

“Frong took over, it’s no problem. And really, you looking like that would make me close the shop for the day without a thought. After mom, I am the next in line anyway. And she wouldn’t protest anyway. Especially since it’s about you.”

There was a new heat rising in Bohn’s cheeks and First knew he’d managed to make his boyfriend shy again. Which, to be honest, was one of his favourite pastimes because it usually included compliments and lots of softness.

“Thank you”, the words sounded rough and First let himself be hugged as tight as needed, running his hands through Bohn’s hair in calming circles.

“But”, he pulled back after a bit, “I really need you to be honest with me. If you don’t want me over, I will accept this. But if you lie like this to spare me the worry, I will start mistrusting your words and I don’t want to have to double-check, okay? You don’t want me to doubt you as well, do you?”

“No”, after a second of hesitation, Bohn pulled him back into a hug, making it hard to breathe for First. Which was totally fine. He would stay, as long as Bohn wanted him to. Needed him to.

“Thank you for trying to look out for me, though”, First whispered, nestling his face into the crook of Bohn’s neck since he had no chance to move anyway, “I love you.”

Another choke and First felt tears wetting his skin.

“Don’t hurt yourself, okay?”

There was a nod going on somewhere, right before Bohn finally spoke: “I try.”

Well, that was the first step anyway. They could work with it.  
First smiled and let his fingers roam as gently over every bit of skin he could reach. To calm himself down, to reassure himself Bohn was with him, wanted to be with him.

“I love you, too.”

First wondered, his smile widening, if his heart would ever stop beating like crazy, whenever he heard those word. If a heart could burst because of too much happiness, his would have done so already, he was sure.

~~~

“We’re going to the doctor.”

“What?”

“I can still get my mother’s balm, but we need a doctor to patch and check you up properly. Especially that leg of yours.”

”...”

”...”

“You’re coming with me?”

“Of course. I mean, if you want me to.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“And First?”

“Yes?”

“Please hold my hand, then.”

the End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please let me know if you like it =^^=
> 
> -> for more requests or if you want to scream at me, pls feel free: morathicain.tumblr.com


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